Mine!

When we were children  we said “mine” a lot.  We knew what we liked and what we wanted and were fairly  brazen about claiming things for ourselves.  And we often got exactly  what we wanted, just by claiming it or demanding it!

As we grew  and became less cute our parents taught us that it wasn’t nice to demand things.  They were right of course, but in the process did they teach us that we couldn’t have things?  That we didn’t deserve  things?  That we didn’t  have the power to get what we wanted?   Whether or not my parents meant to teach me this, this is what I seem to have internalized.  I suspect that I’m not the only one.

I’ve devised a little game for myself called “Mine!”  The rules are simple.  I just decide on what I want or need–a good parking space, the perfect pair of shoes, a piece of information, and then I just go get it.  So far it’s foolproof.

I also no longer defer to other people for no reason.  Rather than letting everybody go ahead of me at a buffet and taking all the leftovers for instance, I step right up and take my pick.  I no longer shop from the clearance rack. These are not bargains–they are usually  ugly, poorly  fitting clothes  that nobody  else wanted.  Why should I settle for them?

The result of my little game has been astounding.  My bank account still has plenty  of money and I feel like the world  is my oyster!  Try it. It’s fun!

Wise Words

This past weekend  I read “The Knitting Sutra, Craft as a Spiritual  Practice” by noted Feminist and co  founder of Rolling Stone, Susan Gordon Lydon.  The quote that keeps rolling around in my brain is this:  “Women experience  so many pressures to give up who the truly are in order to take care of everyone around them.  And yet I have seen women flower creatively only when they learn how to ruthlessly  protect their time.”

This has, sadly, proven to be true  for me over and over.  My book “It’s  Your  Turn  Now”  was written  in secret, during bits of time that I had to fight for tooth and nail.  My boyfriend  at the time did not think I needed time to myself–time away from him and his son–and this ultimately  resulted in the demise of our relationship.

As much as I mourn the good  bits of the past two and a half years with him and getting to be a momma, I enjoy my freedom and solitude more.

Sad that so many of us are forced to choose, isn’t it?

Today I Am Grateful

I am grateful  for my friends.  My family.  My beloved cat.  My job with awesome benefits.  My health, and the Doctor  and ARNP who helped me regain it.

I am grateful  for my peaceful  life that allows  me do what I want, when I want, whether that be writing, reading, drawing, needlework, wandering around with my camera, or binge watching Netflix.

I am thankful  for my car and my physical mobility which take me on adventures in the physical  world, and my imagination  which takes me on adventures in my inner world.

I am grateful  that I live in a country   where women are mostly safe, and where we can mostly do and be whatever we want.

I am grateful for the beauty of this big blue marble we live on, with all its myriad plants, animals, and natural wonders.

I am grateful for all the beautiful minds that dreamed up all of the art, architecture, and technological wonders that make our world fun and beautiful.

I am grateful to those who labored, voluntarily or not, to help build our world and provide me with creature comforts.

I am grateful  to those who help others and keep us safe–our police, firefighters, military, medical  personnel, and charity workers of all stripes.

In short, I am grateful for everyone and everything  that ever existed.

Thank you Universe!